There are days I sleep in. Other days, my Lord wakes me so we can talk. These are the most precious moments for me. I hear His soft voice like a whisper in my ear, “Arise my child.”
My times with Him usually happen in the early morning hours. My God is with me always, but it’s the early sunrises that we have our most intimate conversations. When all is peaceful and still, He comes.
Can I be your friend…please
Can you not hate me anymore
I’m sorry for the idiocracy
Of my youngin days
But do you believe
That people change Continue reading
I remember the night you revealed it to me in a dream. A young girl full of sorrow, there I lay on my bed, crying out to you like I so often did then. As I surrendered myself to you completely that night, a deep sleep came upon me. That’s when you came to me in my dreams, sweet Lord.
Maybe I spend to much time with you. Maybe I’m always wanting to breathe the same air that you breathe. Maybe when we’re apart, I look up into the sky, and thank the heavens that you and I share the same blanket of stars. Maybe knowing that somewhere in this world you stare at the same moon that I do, brings comfort to my soul. Maybe you are my breath, the one that God sent to restore life into me again. Maybe you did. Maybe you believe differently than I do, or maybe you have your own views of what you mean to this world. Maybe I will always see you for who you truly are, an angel. Maybe I scare you with my words. Maybe I know no other way to be. Maybe this is just me. Maybe this will always be me.
I went back home this past weekend. Sometimes I need that trip back home so I can re-gather my strength. The streets of the ghetto were covered in ice and slush, and every corner I turned seemed to be colder than the first.
You were in my dreams again last night. I’m not even surprised anymore. It’s become a familiar dream now. Since it happens so often. I sometimes wonder are my dreams just a fiction of my imagination, or does it all mean something deeper. I struggle on the edge of a fine line between wanting to believe all that is meant, yet restraining myself just enough so I don’t fall over the cliff, and go plunging into a darkness unknown to me. But when I close my eyes, and see you as real as love itself, it all feels so right.
I never had a love so crazy, where I’m posting it all over the internet and showing it off on Facebook. I’ve seen the posts on different sites, always reading them and thinking…awww, to have a love like that. Then I would keep scrolling up until the next post of a couple looking happy in love. It made me stop and think, who has my heart? Who am I so crazy in love with that I want to show it off, and share with the world who my love belongs to. Then I thought of Jesus, and my heart melted, and a warm feeling came over my bones. My heart began to palpitate wildly with fast beats, and excitement was forming like a bubble in my tummy. The more I thought of him, the deeper in love I fell. I started to wonder why I didn’t fall in love with him a long time ago. I’ve always loved him, I’ve always believed in him, but falling in Love was something foreign to me. One thought of Jesus brought it all back. The way his Love flows like a river in my veins, has me feeling like I’m floating. Knowing that he will carry me, and has carried me, my whole life; brings on a feeling of peace that I think most wives feel with their husbands. Jesus is teaching me what falling in Love is all about. But if you really want to know who is King of my heart, just love up to Jesus. He holds my heart so close to him, that you have to truly know him in order to find me.
Gosh, if you only knew what you do to me. Do you know it’s 4 am and I’m up thinking of you. The entire house is quiet. The world is sleeping. Yet, I am awake, wide awake. Sleepless. It’s like I can’t get enough hours in the day to think of you. Laying here in this quiet nights surrounding, I stare at the stars through the ceiling windows. The moonlight illuminates my soul, and all I can think of is your magnificence. Time keeps me awake thinking of all the things that you are made of. I’ve never known Love like the way I see it in you. I’ve now come to know the true meaning of sacrifice. You taught me that. How to sacrifice myself for the ones I love. I’ll do it a thousand times over now that I know. Wow. Another hour has passed and I’m here scolding myself to stop thinking of you and just fall asleep. Sleep is not my friend tonight. I’ve given up trying. Now I just lay here and go with it. I think of getting on my knees in prayer, but I don’t want to stop this feeling I have right now. I wonder if you know you keep me up at night. Sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes a night like tonight shows up, and well, all I can do is let go and let God. Tomorrow I can try to put it all back together. For now, I choose to enjoy these restless hours. I toss on the pillow and turn on my back. With my eyes towards the heavens I smile. That’s when I hear God say, “hold on to me.” His words bring me Peace, but still no sleep. I must be obedient. I glance at the clock, another hour has passed. Wow, this is getting intense. I open my bible to read the word, but every verse I read leads me right back to you. Lord, I’m helpless.
I see your face and all the memories come flooding back into my mind. Your beauty is there, I can see it so well. It takes me back to days when we’d be together laughing and full of joy. One never knows the true nature of another’s life walk: but the time I was able to share my walks with you, are priceless. As I age, I realize that such times are to be cherished. For you never know when they will be gone with the wind. Now my eyes tear when I see you, out of pure love for you. I know you are strong. I know you are fine. Maybe your life is better than what it’s ever been. But you are my friend, and the thought of you paying a toll for what this cruel world has brought upon you, it just breaks my heart; in ways that I never knew existed. Continue reading