There are days I sleep in. Other days, my Lord wakes me so we can talk. These are the most precious moments for me. I hear His soft voice like a whisper in my ear, “Arise my child.”
My times with Him usually happen in the early morning hours. My God is with me always, but it’s the early sunrises that we have our most intimate conversations. When all is peaceful and still, He comes.
I want to be the thing that you miss
Remember the time that we kissed
When I whispered your name
We got lost in the rain
And the storm chased us into the abyss
Can I be your friend…please
Can you not hate me anymore
I’m sorry for the idiocracy
Of my youngin days
But do you believe
That people change Continue reading
Early morning the sun rises. Laying in bed with a naked soul, I begin to stir to life. I push the covers down to my ankles, and stare at the heavy white curtains that cover the windows, keeping the world away. Sadly, they are blocking the beautiful sunrise as well. My bare feet touch down onto the worn carpet. Reaching for my pack of smokes, I light up my life. Tired from the night before, but ready for today. It sure has been a long time living life this way. Opening the cupboard, I grab a shot glass and fill it with Jack Daniels whiskey. Only the best for me. Tilting my head back, I sip the strong liquor and let it warm my hollow insides. I make my way to the refrigerator and take inventory for breakfast. Light beer, salsa, chips, and a styrofoam container filled with a mysterious meal. Playing it safe, I reach for the can of beer. Cracking it open and chugging it down like water. There you go buddy, time to come to life now.
I went back home this past weekend. Sometimes I need that trip back home so I can re-gather my strength. The streets of the ghetto were covered in ice and slush, and every corner I turned seemed to be colder than the first.
I never had a love so crazy, where I’m posting it all over the internet and showing it off on Facebook. I’ve seen the posts on different sites, always reading them and thinking…awww, to have a love like that. Then I would keep scrolling up until the next post of a couple looking happy in love. It made me stop and think, who has my heart? Who am I so crazy in love with that I want to show it off, and share with the world who my love belongs to. Then I thought of Jesus, and my heart melted, and a warm feeling came over my bones. My heart began to palpitate wildly with fast beats, and excitement was forming like a bubble in my tummy. The more I thought of him, the deeper in love I fell. I started to wonder why I didn’t fall in love with him a long time ago. I’ve always loved him, I’ve always believed in him, but falling in Love was something foreign to me. One thought of Jesus brought it all back. The way his Love flows like a river in my veins, has me feeling like I’m floating. Knowing that he will carry me, and has carried me, my whole life; brings on a feeling of peace that I think most wives feel with their husbands. Jesus is teaching me what falling in Love is all about. But if you really want to know who is King of my heart, just love up to Jesus. He holds my heart so close to him, that you have to truly know him in order to find me.
I’m in love. Complete exasperated love. The kind of Love that takes every breath of my soul away with just a glimpse of your face. It’s you. It’s always been you. I just never knew how to show it. I got caught up in something ugly that I knew nothing about, and I didn’t know how to get out. I fought and fought and fought for my way; but I didn’t know what else existed beyond the bubble of a world I was caught in. Every time you were around, I felt it. It was only you. Even when it wasn’t you, it was. So loud and clear, it was.
Sitting at the table, the french doors opened to the blue skies outside. The breeze blows, flickering the wick of the red candle that sits atop the kitchen island. So much time has passed, when will it all slow down. Am I getting in to deep over my head. Lord says he’ll give me strength. I have all the faith in the world, just sometimes wonder if maybe I’m adding too much. The music is playing in the background. The house has been cleaned and vacuumed. I look around the room and instantly see more things that need to be done. Oh where is my strength. I try to find it in anything I can. I have no friends here. I should open up more and let people in. It’s hard. Again, please God grant me strength. The grass is green, the kids play. I am comforted by the color purple, and by the word Rosa printed under the pink roses on my lighter. I listen as the music sings of innocence. It’s all around me. I’m sorry is all I can think of. So so very sorry. I was never innocent, just blind sighted. It’s 7:50 pm and the sun is still shining. Pure beauty. I sit and stare. I need friends. This lonesome fate is dreadful. I must come alive. I can’t afford to die twice. Death. When I think of death I only see the face of one. I need to put more flowers in my home. Bring some life indoors…..
She awoke early in the morning when the sun began to show its first rays. Wrapped in her arms was the one person who touched her very soul. Deep inside she knew there would never be another like him. She squeezed him tighter with the very thought, as if by doing so would somehow keep him close forever.
It’s all in my head. That’s what I tell myself when things start to take a turn towards disaster. The devil is always trying to come in and rob me of my joy. It must be all the happiness that I like to keep as company. It makes Satan angry. I sometimes wonder what the devil thinks when he looks at me. This person that he’s tried so hard to destroy. He threw everything in his book at me. Heartache, theft, depression, struggle, sin, guilt; you name it, I’ve experienced it. Yet I remain happy as a child each morning that I open my eyes. Blessed with another day God has granted me that I may bring joy to someone. There was a time when the devil had me at my ropes end, ready to just give it all up. Still here I am, standing strong, standing tall, in God’s love! Continue reading