I’m in love. Complete exasperated love. The kind of Love that takes every breath of my soul away with just a glimpse of your face. It’s you. It’s always been you. I just never knew how to show it. I got caught up in something ugly that I knew nothing about, and I didn’t know how to get out. I fought and fought and fought for my way; but I didn’t know what else existed beyond the bubble of a world I was caught in. Every time you were around, I felt it. It was only you. Even when it wasn’t you, it was. So loud and clear, it was.
Sometimes I dream about what it would be like going to church with you. We did that before, you know. Not sure if you remember. I do. It’s my favorite memory. We went to church more than once. I’ve never met another to go to church with like that. Only you.
I hurt you. I’m so very very sorry. I never knew that. It hurts to know I hurt you. If only you really knew the truth of all that was. Would it make a difference? Probably not. A truth I have come to accept. So much happens in my world. It’s like I’m spinning on one big destiny, but my vision is of only you. Something must surely be wrong. With me. Psh, with you.
Whenever I think about love, I think about you. You are to me the epitome of the word. When I read the word LOVE in print, it always ends with a comma and your pic, period. I get butterflies in my stomach at the thought of your name, and I love the feeling. So I think of you often. It feels like I’m flying. I like it. I like you. when I know I can’t love you anymore than I already do, I turn my face towards the Heavens, and thank the Lord for you. I ask him to keep you happy, and keep you in his Grace. Forgive me, but I also ask that he soften your heart towards me, so you may know I am truly sorry. Those are things I do, because I know I love you.
When I listen to my favorite music, it’s you I think of. When I sing songs, it’s you that I sing to. When I’m alone, I dance, for you. I close my eyes, and just dance; letting my soul flow with love so free. But that’s only when I’m alone. I don’t know why I have such visions. Were you once mine in a prior life, that my love for you is so strong it pulls me toward you like a magnet.
I sometimes don’t want to trust this love I feel. It scares me. People tell me I shouldn’t pay it no mind. But every corner I turn, the Lord puts you in my heart. “Forgive me Lord,” I plea. Begging for mercy. “If it shouldn’t be, then take it away”, I pray. But it’s still here. So I’ve given in to whatever this is, and just leave it all to him.
When I think of you, when something reminds me of you, when I just want to love you, I give it to God in prayer. Maybe I am to pray for you until eternity. If that is all I can have of you, I surrender, let it be all I can have from you. I’ll love you in prayer. With prayers that an angel may follow you in life and guard you of all evil. Hoping that my love and prayer can take you to unstoppable places of joy and happiness. I love you that simple.