Sitting at the table, the french doors opened to the blue skies outside. The breeze blows, flickering the wick of the red candle that sits atop the kitchen island. So much time has passed, when will it all slow down. Am I getting in to deep over my head. Lord says he’ll give me strength. I have all the faith in the world, just sometimes wonder if maybe I’m adding too much. The music is playing in the background. The house has been cleaned and vacuumed. I look around the room and instantly see more things that need to be done. Oh where is my strength. I try to find it in anything I can. I have no friends here. I should open up more and let people in. It’s hard. Again, please God grant me strength. The grass is green, the kids play. I am comforted by the color purple, and by the word Rosa printed under the pink roses on my lighter. I listen as the music sings of innocence. It’s all around me. I’m sorry is all I can think of. So so very sorry. I was never innocent, just blind sighted. It’s 7:50 pm and the sun is still shining. Pure beauty. I sit and stare. I need friends. This lonesome fate is dreadful. I must come alive. I can’t afford to die twice. Death. When I think of death I only see the face of one. I need to put more flowers in my home. Bring some life indoors…..